It’s always a struggle for me to get out of my shell after a prolonged period away from publishing anything, so this is a quick(ish) round up of the last 6/7 weeks or so just to get me out of my rut!
If you read my previous post, you’ll know that I take August off for holiday and also as a protective measure to comfort the grief that arises in me at this time of year.
All the big feelings struck me hard this season. Harder than previous years.
Even though I really trust that grief is not linear and that we can expect to ride many wild peaks and troughs through its landscapes, still part of me wants and expects each year to be easier. Alas, this wasn’t to be and I found myself wading through the mud through much of August.
Running away somewhere new usually helps, but this year our holiday was pretty disastrous.
In short, we travelled to Northern Spain in our campervan and on our first day there (which was also my birthday for fuck’s sake) we broke down. The repair was simple, but the parts nigh impossible to get hold of during a season of multiple local fiestas, so we decided we’d order them from the UK and get them expedited to Spain. Spanish customs, however, had other ideas and we spent almost our entire holiday stuck waiting for the parts to arrive, whilst trying to wrangle with multiple layers of bureaucratic red tape.
At one point neither my partner or I were sure when we’d get home, all the while both trying to maintain a sunny disposition for our daughter who was bereft that her holiday was not going to involve the myriad adventures we’d promised her, but being holed up in a dusty car park getting hassled by the cops every day.
I usually take these sorts of misadventures in my stride, but the timing over grief season and the extra weight I’d somewhat unconsciously pinned to this holiday to make it the thing that was going to soothe my aching heart meant the whole debacle stung more than other challenges we’ve previously faced.
I’m noticing that I’m much less resilient this year to life’s knock-backs and that I feel the impact of these stresses much more acutely in the luteal phase of my cycle. It seems I’ve always had a more difficult time than a lot of people when it comes to so-called PMS, but these past few years have been noticeably more intense. Is it peri-menopause? Is it the malaise of a post-Covid fatigue or Long Covid? Is it both? Is it living in these uncertain and polarising times of polycrisis? Is it all of it? There’s a longer post in this, which I’ve been writing on and off for months, but I can’t quite piece it all together yet. I’m sure it will emerge at some point…
Thankfully there was some good shit over this season too.
I made my fifth (I think?) appearance at Red Sea Travel Agency (RSTA) at Shambala Festival at the August; this time running an old favourite workshop of mine Know Your Cycle, Know Yourself.
I have huge respect for the RSTA team. Not only does their set-up include flushing toilets with sinks, which are intended to be used by anyone who is menstruating and a special cosy, quiet area with tea and hot water bottles on request; they run a programme of workshops, talks and performances that all centre around our relationship to menstruation and the cycle and they do it all with inimitable wit and style.
The whole concept is that you’re visiting a menstrual travel agency, complete with all the crew dressed in air hostess style uniforms and period related puns galore. The humour and playfulness are such a smart tool for engaging folks who might otherwise find the whole talking-about-periods-thing a bit awkward.
But, perhaps, what has always impressed me most of all is the way that they make the entire space inclusive to all genders. I know a lot of work has gone on behind the scenes to carefully consider how to do this in a way that honours women’s experiences of menstruation and also makes room for the experiences of trans, non-binary and other gender non-conforming folk, but it is a joy to witness this becoming increasingly more effortless every year. It was also very sweet to be amongst a team of workshop leaders who included other gender non-conforming and non-binary folk. (Shout outs to Leonie Grace and Alice (Pan) Human.)
I often feel that I’m an inconvenience in these spaces; the token weird, queer one, who complicates things. So it was lovely to be amongst other queer folks who are into talking about cycles, but also to feel that it wasn’t a big deal to be included. (I can think of a few organisations who could do with taking a leaf out of their book, but that’s another story.)
I also got to meet Chella Quint!
(Alas, I still need to get the selfie off her that we took together!)
Chella has been one my menstrual activist heroes for many years. Author, teacher, performer and an incredible advocate for better menstrual literacy in education. She was one of the first people within the UK menstrual health ‘scene’ that I saw pushing the menstrual discourse forward to include the folks on the margins who usually get left behind. Witnessing her speaking out about these issues was a big catalyst in enabling me to feel confident to do the same.
I was so pleased to finally meet her and get to thank her for the impact that she’s had on my own work.
When I arrived back in Bristol, I went straight into funeral crafting mode.
I had the huge honour of designing a funeral for disability rights activist, Laura Welti.
Laura was a major force in Bristol, leading the Bristol Disability Equality Forum for two decades and was also instrumental in bringing disabled people’s voices to the movement for climate justice. She was also known for some amazing direct action! I learnt during the open forum that I facilitated during the ceremony that she’d once chained herself to a bus in London during protests for better accessibility. Legend.
Laura contacted me earlier in the summer to ask if I would like to take her funeral. This was the first time someone has enlisted me before they have died and it was really something special and new to work in this way. I’m still sitting-with the experience and taking stock of how different it was from the usual circumstance where I’m asked to be involved after someone has died; but for now I’m just massively grateful to have been trusted with her farewell.
So, that’s it for now.
As we tip towards Sunday’s Autumn Equinox, I’m wishing you a steady descent into these darker months ahead.
I’ll be in touch again soon.
Lottie x x